A Word From Our Spencer
by Slaythevampire87
Summary: A series of oneshots based on a word. Each story will focus mainly on Spencer and his relationship with others from the iCarly gang.
1. Failure

**Vampy: This is just a one shot of a fluffy brother/sister moment between Carly and Spencer because there are waaaaaaaay too many Seddie/Cibby/Ceddie fanfics. Please feel free to give me constructive criticism or send me a PM if you have a request for a Sparly story (which will be my main focus because, as stated before, there are waaaaaaaaaaay too many Seddie/Cibby/Creddie fics).  
**

 **I don't own anything from iCarly.**

* * *

"You're fired!"

19 year old Spencer flinched as his boss, Mr. Featherton, the owner of a restaurant called The Plucky Chicken, screamed the words in his face. While Spencer could admit that accidentally setting a well known food critic's jacket on fire was definitely a faux pas, it was _not_ his fault that the man had decided to panic rather than 'stop, drop, and roll'. It was also _not his fault_ that said critic ended up causing some tables to catch fire. Plus the jacket was made out of flammable material.

Spencer didn't bother begging for another chance since he knew it would do no good. He changed into his casual clothes and turned in his uniform before leaving the restaurant with a muttered "Good riddance" to his ex-employer. The guy was a jerk anyways. Still, he knew that he would need to find a new job. He had to provide for Carly somehow or Grandad would take her away from him and he just _couldn't let that happen._

The lanky teen trudged over to where he had parked his bike. Unfortunately, when he reached the bike rack he found it to be empty. "You have _got_ to be _kidding me!_ " Spencer groaned as he threw his hands up in frustration. "Who would want to steal a piece of crap? Aw man, it's gonna take me forever to get home. At least it can't get worse than this. . ."

Of course he should have known better than to say such a thing out loud because no sooner had the words left his lips than thunder rumbled loudly above him. Spencer huffed in annoyance and glanced up at the rapidly darkening sky.

"Well that's just great. I lost my job, I lost my bike, and now I'm probably going to catch a cold." He grumbled before he began the long walk back to the apartment he shared with his little sister.

* * *

The walls of the apartment rattled as Spencer slammed the door shut after Thalia ( now the ex-babysitter and his ex-girlfriend) left. As soon as he'd gotten home, sopping wet and jobless, Thalia had started to complain about Carly's behavior during the day. Spencer could handle being fired. He could handle a stolen bike and a little rain. But he absolutely _hated_ when someone made his sister sound like a little brat. So he fired and broke up with her.

Spencer sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands, guilt and shame flooding through him. Why had he thought that he'd be able to raise Carly? He was a failure, just like his father said he would be. "DAMMIT!"

6 year old Carly nearly fell off the bed in surprise when she heard her brother's curse all the way from the living room. Spencer _never_ swore! It went against everything that he stood for as both her guardian and her big brother. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was too early for him to be home from work yet. He must have gotten fired. Again. Carly peeked around the doorway to the only bedroom in their small apartment, her heart breaking a little when she saw her brother sitting on their moth eaten carpet with his head in his hands. She knew that he was trying very hard to make things comfortable for her. Spencer had dropped out of law school just to take care of her after he fought to have legal guardianship of her when their mother died and their father's military unit transferred to a different country.

She knew that things were pretty rough at the moment. Spencer was somewhat accident prone and had managed to set their last apartment on fire, so they had been thrown out. Luckily Spencer's best friend Socko knew someone who was renting out a place for a really cheap price (almost suspiciously cheap) and the Shays were able to get it easily. But now they were pretty much broke as Spencer had to pay their last landlord for the damage, give their current landlady a down payment, and had already paid the college for a year of classes that he wasn't going to take.

Carly bit her lip thoughtfully as she watched Spencer rub his temples, a sure sign that he was stressed. She had seen him do that a lot more often during the past few days when he thought she wasn't looking. The small brunette wanted desperately to show him that he was the best brother in the whole world since that was obviously what he needed.

The little girl looked around for something to make her brother feel better and smiled as her gaze fell on her coloring books. Coloring always made _her_ feel better, and she knew that Spencer absolutely _loved_ art! Maybe he would feel better if he was able express himself through coloring. She gathered them up into her arms and grabbed her box of crayons before walking over to the soaking teenager. Carly dropped her burdens onto the floor next to Spencer before climbing onto his lap.

"You're all wet." She said once she got comfortable on her perch, her nose wrinkling slightly in distaste at the cold that seeped into her clothes though she made no sign of moving away from the older boy.

Spencer snorted a little at the obvious statement but held back the "No shit, Sherlock" that threatened to drop from his lips. Instead he wrapped his arms around his precious baby sister and shook water droplets from his hair onto her face, smiling when she shrieked in response. Spending time with Carly always made him smile no matter what his mood.

"Mhm, got caught in the rain." He rubbed his cheek against hers playfully as she squirmed in his arms. "What are these for, Carly-cue?" Spencer asked curiously as he nodded towards the coloring books.

Carly leaned into him and rested her head on his chest so she could listen to his heartbeat. "You looked sad. I thought that coloring would help you feel better." She explained.

Spencer got a little choked up at his sister's kindness. He cleared his throat and blinked his eyes rapidly against the sting in them. "Thank you, Carly."

"You're welcome, Penny!" Carly gave him her most special smile that she reserved only for his eyes as she used the nickname only _she_ was allowed to call him. It always made him chuckle.

The lanky teen couldn't help but smile back at her when she called him Penny. It reminded him of when she was little and was never able to pronounce his name. That was when he knew that they would be alright. As long as they had each other, Spencer knew that nothing would be able to prevent them from making their way in life. He would give Grandad a call that night to ask about a little bit of help money wise. If it was for Carly then he could handle a hit to his pride.

* * *

Spencer sighed as he sat back on his heels and stared at his latest art project, trying to decide whether or not he needed to add anything else to it. The now 26 year old had managed to get his little sister to her 13th birthday just fine. They no longer lived in a run down apartment and he no longer had to worry about feeding his sister as their father would send money to Spencer's bank account to pay for his 'college classes'. But the brunette still worried about failing his family.

He glanced at the clock on his bedside table. Making a face at the late hour and cursing himself for not paying better attention to the time, Spencer stood up and stretched before padding quietly out of his room to get a glass of water from the kitchen. The man paused when he saw Carly, Sam, and Freddy sprawled out on the couch. He smiled at the sight, covered them with a blanket, then leaned over to kiss Carly's forehead affectionately. As Spencer walked back to his room, he wondered if maybe he wasn't failing after all.


	2. Bullet

**Vampy: I know that I have a couple of ongoing fanfics right now, but I figured that this would be a good way to be productive when I get bored of working on those ones. Enjoy and feel free to PM requests to moi! Thank you to my reviewer, I appreciate your input!**

 **I don't own anything from iCarly.**

 **Warning: This story contains major angst and mentions of suicide.**

* * *

Carly stared numbly into space as flashing lights alternatively turned her face red and blue. She barely registered when a paramedic wrapped a blanket around her shoulders or placed a steaming mug of hot cocoa in her hands. The questions the police were trying to ask her fell on deaf ears, as did the voices of her best friends Freddy and Sam when they pushed their way through the crowd to get to her. All that she was aware of were the three little words that played over and over in her mind.

 _It's my fault.  
_

Spencer, her fun loving, man-child of an older brother, was dead. Carly couldn't help but think that she would have noticed something was wrong if she had paid more attention to him instead of being so focused on her webshow or on spending time with her friends. Five minutes, that's all it would have taken. Just five extra minutes and he would be alive right now.

Over the past few months Carly _had_ noticed that her brother had become slightly withdrawn and didn't put as much effort into his art as usual, but whenever she asked him about it he would wave it off as lack of sleep. This didn't surprise her too much since Spencer did have trouble sleeping. However, usually he had some sort of new project to make up for it. There hadn't been a new sculpture in the house for weeks.

He hadn't been getting out of the house either, but again this wasn't surprising since he was at home most of the time working on his sculptures. Though it _had_ been surprising that he didn't hang out with Socko as often. Carly figured that he just wanted to spend more time with her and her friends since he seemed to enjoy their company more than that of people his own age.

Carly had always found rational explanations for why he had been acting off. Spencer himself had provided explanations for it, and she trusted him. How could she have been so _stupid_? How could she have missed the signs? He was her brother! She knew him better than anyone. Surely she should have been observant enough to realize that something was amiss. But she hadn't been, and now he was gone.

The brunette briefly realized that someone needed to call Grandad and her father to tell them about Spencer's death. Grandad would make her move to Yakima with him, as if Spencer's committing suicide wasn't an big enough upheaval. But somehow she couldn't bring herself to care about the fact that she was going to move to a town that sounded like someone throwing up. Carly couldn't bring herself to care about much of anything.

A loud smack resounded throughout the lobby of Bushwell Plaza and Carly instinctively brought her hand up to her cheek when it began to sting. She raised her eyes slowly to see Sam being restrained by the paramedic, her hand still raised. "Carly? You back, Cupcake?"

"S-Sam. . ." Carly's face scrunched up as she threw her arms around her best friend, letting out a wordless wail that brought tears to the eyes of everyone who heard it. Sam simply cried with her and said nothing to try comforting the other girl. There were some pains that couldn't be eased by words.

Freddy pulled one of the officers aside. "Can you tell me what you know so far?" He couldn't help but flinch when Spencer's sheet covered body was carted past them. The police officer looked at him sympathetically before glancing over at the grieving girls, lowering his voice to make sure they wouldn't hear.

"We received a 9-1-1 call a little over an hour ago from Spencer Shay. He told us that he was going to commit suicide and that he didn't want his sister to be the one to find his body. Unfortunately she got home earlier than expected and found him before we arrived to clean things up a bit. "

"He called you to tell you he was going to kill himself, and the operator didn't try to talk him out of it?" Freddy's eyebrows rose in disbelief.

The officer looked resigned, as if he had been expecting the question. "We weren't given time to do so. He hung up as soon as he passed his message along. It's not unusual for us to receive such calls, though usually it's because they want someone to talk them out of killing themselves." He lightly squeezed Freddy's shoulder. "I am truly sorry for your loss."

* * *

A surprisingly large amount of people were at Spencer's funeral. Most of Carly's peers had been there to support her, along with Principal Franklin and his family. Even Ms. Briggs had been there to mourn the artist. Many of the Shay siblings' closer friends stood up to speak about him. Socko told funny stories about the things Spencer received from him and his family. Ms. Briggs recounted the trouble he'd gotten into at school. Sam talked about how bad he was at lying to people. Carly hadn't been able to get out a single word and ended up just sobbing at the stand.

Freddy was the only one to say anything bad about Spencer, and Carly applauded him for saying what she could not. She didn't care about the gasps of shock or the warning hiss Sam gave their friend. She had looked straight at Freddy and nodded her gratitude for being so brutally honest about the selfishness of Spencer's choice.

Spencer had left a letter for her, his suicide note. It explained how he had been depressed for some time and how he was so sorry for the pain that he was undoubtedly causing her. He'd said he hoped that she would forgive him someday. He'd said that he would always love her. She had screamed and raged when she read it. How could he say that he loved her when he had taken himself away from her? How could he be sorry for the pain he was causing her and still be willing to cause it?

The funeral had been a week ago. Carly now stood in front of Spencer's room and stared at the door as she rubbed her arms. Even though it had been two weeks since he shot himself, she still had difficulty with the thought entering his room. She kept expecting him to appear and scold her for infringing on his privacy. Sometimes she would hear the water running in the kitchen and think that it was Spencer preparing spaghetti tacos, only to find Grandad filling up a glass instead. There were days when she would go downstairs with the expectation of a new sculpture after Spencer had another night of artistic inspiration. But he was never there, beaming up at her with the excitement of one eager to show his latest creation.

They had sold most of Spencer's sculptures after the funeral. Carly hadn't been able to look at them without bursting into tears and Grandad decided that it would be better to get rid of them. She packed up anything that reminded her of her brother to be sent to storage or donated to charity. But she still couldn't bring herself to enter his room. It contained too much of his spirit, too many memories, and she was still angry with him.

She would be moving to Yakima at the end of the school year so she wouldn't have to relocate right in the middle of the semester. Grandad and her father wanted to give her time to adjust before they suddenly forced another change on her. Carly didn't really care either way. It would still hurt whether she lived in Yakima or Seattle. Everything would remind her of Spencer.

With a quiet sigh, the brunette eventually turned away from the door. Someday she would be able to go into his room without crying. Someday she would be able to go into his room without wanting to break everything in sight. Someday. But today was not that day.


End file.
